Loneliness

Who cares about the night that I cant sleep because of you ?

We lost connection almost two months. The figure means nothing for you maybe, but for me ... It is just not about the two months I wan to mention.

I thought we have been through so much things in the past will make you knows what I want from you. It seems so clear that is not true. I am not qualified to blame anything. I am so selfish all the time as I  not willing to turn myself into the kind of "friend" that fit you while waiting for you to change.

Somehow tonight I am worry about myself again.

The voice ruining in my head... keep saying "I worry that you would be sad as I tried to avoid you, at the same time I worry that you aren't sad at all ... just feel pathetic for me!"

I don't want you to be upset ...

Is my weakness ...
Somebody told me that I had given too much cares ... and then I brought pressure on the friendship.
I admitted that was my fault ... and then I realized I did the same things again and again to different persons in the past.

The most exciting part .... I realized .... What I have given to them is what I need ... what i lack. Now I feel pity for myself who cant sleep just because of the troubles I made out myself for such a long time ...